What if
by cate78
Summary: Can Ryan and Esposito talk... make that threaten... some sense into Castle?  Fallout from 47 Seconds, The Limey and Headhunters promo. *Extra: Epilogue now up*
1. Chapter 1

This is my third time trying to post this story. Don't know why it's not working. Hopefully 3rd time's the charm.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. 'Nuff said.

**A/N:** Okay, I'm officially on a mini-writing binge. Which is quite something considering I don't really write. But these recent episodes and promos have gotten me in a funk and I need to create my own little fantasy timeline. Damn you Andrew Marlowe! Keep this up and you'll be getting my therapy bills in the mail.

**Spoilers:** Up to and including the promo for _Headhunters_.

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><p><strong>What If…?<strong>

"You're going on a stake-out with who?" Detective Kate Beckett looked at her unofficial partner somewhat incredulously.

"Detective Slaughter down in Guns & Gangs. I ran into him at the lobby this morning and we got to talking. He was telling me about this case his crew is working on. They're close to making the bust and I asked if I can ride along. This is going to be totally awesome!" The writer excitedly recapped for his muse.

"Wh… why Guns & Gangs and why now?"

"I don't know," Castle shrugs, trying to hide the fact that working alongside her after finding out her secret was proving a lot more difficult than he ever anticipated. "Nikki Heat was only a three-book deal. And I'm about to polish off the last one and I've been thinking about going in another direction so I'm just doing other research. You're okay with it right Beckett?"

"Yeah, yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" Beckett's pig-headedness getting the better of her. She refused to acknowledge the hurt and disappointment she felt in the pit of her stomach, instead going with her usual denial. "You had a muse before me. I'm not surprise you've found another one. I need the peace and quiet to catch up on some work anyway. See you when you get back."

Before Castle had a chance to respond, Beckett turned around so that he wouldn't see the pained look on her face. She headed back to her desk and took out some paperwork that she really had no intention of doing.

Just then, Slaughter and his partner came up the stairs from their division one floor below. "Hey, Castle!"

"Heeeey Slaughter, my man!" Castle greeted the detective like a long lost friend.

Off on the opposite side of the Homicide bullpen, Ryan and Esposito watched in disgust as Castle jokes around with the other detectives.

"Look at him. It's like he's cheating on us." Ryan observed.

"Worst," Esposito commented. "It's like he's cheating on her." He nodded towards the senior detective on their team who now has her nose deep in paperwork, trying to ignore what was going on behind her.

"They're pulling away from each other. What the hell happened?" Esposito gave a hard pat on Ryan's back and said "C'mon, we got to fix this."

Just as Esposito and Ryan made it to the other side of the bullpen, the Guns & Gangs detectives left to go back downstairs and Castle yelled after them, "See you guys in ten."

Turning back around, Castle was surprised he was face to face with Ryan and Esposito. "Hey boys. What's happening?" Without answering him, the two of them each grab Castle by one arm and dragged him off to the break room ignoring his surprised protests.

"Hey, hey, hey! No need to be rough." Castle shook off their hold once they were in the break room, adjusting his skewed jacket and shirt from their man-handling.

"What the hell is going on bro? Why you running off with the G&G crew?" Esposito asked.

"Nothing's going on. It's like I told Beckett. I'm just doing research for my next series of books."

"Why do you need to rub it in Beckett's face huh?" Ryan accused.

"I'm doing nothing of the sort." Castle's voice squeaked, somewhat annoyed at the accusation.

"And what about those lunch dates of yours? Parading all your bimbos around here, going on and on about how 'fabulous' everything is." Esposito continued undeterred. "How do you think that makes Beckett feels?"

"Look, whatever feelings you guys think Beckett has for me, she doesn't."

"What are you, a little slow? Everybody around here sees it."

How can he explain to them? He hasn't told anybody but his mother. Nobody else knew the truth. Nobody knew about his confession that day at the cemetery. Nobody knew that Beckett remembered everything. Nobody knew she refused to acknowledge it because she doesn't feel the same way. Castle simply said defiantly, "Well I'm telling you, you guys are wrong."

"No, he's not just slow Javi. He's blind and slow." Ryan said to his partner.

"Hey, I'm sure as hell not deaf!" Castle protested angrily. "What's it to you guys anyway?"

"She's like a sister to us man. And you _**do not**_ want to know what a Hispanic brother will do to a guy who hurts his sister." Esposito threatened.

"Nor the Irish." Ryan added. "And we're cops; we know how to make things look like an accident."

Before anything more can be said between the three men, Beckett opened the door and poked her head in. "Ryan, Espo we got a body. Let's go." She gave Castle a quick glance but without further acknowledgement closed the door on them again.

"Look," Ryan added hastily. "I overheard her and the Cap talking about her maybe accepting an invitation from Scotland Yards to go over there on assignment to share some of our best practices with them. Apparently Detective Inspector Hunt was mighty impressed with her."

"Yeah, I'll bet he was." Castle was surprised at the jealousy in his voice.

"Whatever happened between the two of you, fix it. _Comprender chico_?" Esposito added with a poke to Castle's chest and a glare for good measure. With that, the two detectives left Castle alone in the break room with his thoughts.

~*To be Continued*~

**A/N**: Once again it's really late, I am way too tired to read and re-read this. I can only hope it's not filled with spelling and grammar errors. But fear not, I know where I want to take this story and I will finish it.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I'm really thrilled and humbled by all the favourite and story alerts, but I wonder why the lack of reviews? It's bumming me out a little bit.

In any case, the story continues. Enjoy.

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><p><strong>2.<strong>

Castle took a minute to compose himself before stepping out of the break room. He got out just in time to see the three homicide detectives stepping into the elevator. He looked over to them and saw Ryan and Esposito flanking Beckett on each side still giving him the stink eye. His eyes then caught Beckett's for a split second before the elevator closed. In that instant, Castle thought he saw something he hasn't seen before.

He didn't have time to contemplate just exactly what that something was when he heard a holler from down the stairs. "Show time! Castle, saddle up."

Fifteen minutes later, Castle was in the front passenger seat of Slaughter's car, Slaughter at the wheel and his partner in the backseat. They were parked out front of a seedy bar known to be a favourite hangout of a notorious gang. Their CI had informed them that a major guns transaction was going down today between the gang and their affiliate that operates out of the West Coast. Two of Slaughter's men are already inside acting as their eyes. The rest of the team are situated outside waiting for everybody to show.

In the lull of their waiting game, Slaughter turned to Castle, gave him a sly grin and asked "So Castle, tell us, how good is Detective Beckett?"

Castle, not getting what he meant, thought it was an odd question. After all it was widely known, not just at the 12th but across the NYPD, that Beckett was a first-rate detective with an impeccable record. Castle answered truthfully, "Beckett's excellent. She's got great instincts; she can see and make connections between events that break a case wide open. And she's amazing with the victims' families."

Castle was taken aback by the laughter that came out of the two detectives. "No man, I mean how good is she?" Castle looked at Slaughter with a blank stare. "Between the sheets?" Slaughter finally spelled it out, giving Castle a knowing look.

If Castle had been drinking coffee, it would've come out of his nose. That's how surprised he was at what Slaughter said. As it was, he stuttered "WHAT? NO! I… we… she… No, we're not sleeping together. We've never slept together!"

More incredulous laughter came of out the two detectives. "Oh, come on Castle really? Who do you think you're fooling? We've seen the way you two look at each other. Everybody can see it. Even Juanita the cleaning lady can see it and she's practically legally blind. Besides, why else would Beckett keep you around for so long?

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means Beckett was the youngest female to make detective in NYPD history and on the fast track to become the youngest sergeant then lieutenant. Then bam, you come along and the superstar's meteoric rise came to a screeching halt. Tell me Castle, why would she let you hold her back unless you're giving it to her good?"

"Well I'm telling you, you guys are wrong." Castle said for the second time that day. "And shouldn't you be keeping an eye out for your suspects instead of interrogating me?"

Slaughter let out one last disbelieving laugh before turning his attention back to the street. "Alright Castle, I get it. A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. Say no more."

In fact Castle wanted to say a lot more. He wanted to set them straight in no uncertain terms. It didn't sit well with him there was a generally accepted assumption out there that he and Beckett were sleeping together. But was Slaughter right when he said Beckett was on the fast track until he started shadowing her? Castle rather liked to think that he has contributed, even been instrumental in some instances, to solving a lot of cases over the last few years. But if it was true that his presence has somehow held Beckett back, then why has she let him tag along with her for so long?

Thoughts and questions raced through Castle's mind in the silence of the car until Detective Slaughter's partner leaned forward from the back seat. "Hey Ricky boy, even if you're not banging Beckett you must know her pretty well after all this time. You got any tips? 'cuz I would love to get my hands on that fine piece of…"

It was fortunate for everyone involved that Slaughter spotted the gang leader at that moment right before his partner had a chance to finish his sentence. Especially fortunate for Detective Sleazebag (and this is how Castle will view him for the rest of time) because Castle had already fisted his hand, ready to punch him. Whatever the future holds for their relationship: friends, partners, colleagues, acquaintances, nobody talks about Beckett that way in front of him.

Before writer-fist had a chance to meet sleazebag-nose however, Slaughter completely oblivious to what he narrowly prevented, said "There he is. Get ready. We'll move as soon as we get the signal."

30 seconds later, their men on the inside called in to indicate their targets have moved into a backroom carrying heavy duffle bags. "Okay, let's move people!" Slaughter orders into his walkie-talkie.

"Hey, we'll talk later huh?" Detective Sleazebag gave Castle a slap on the shoulder, a wink of his eye and a smarmy smile. It was Castle's turn to give a stink eye.

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><p>Several hours later, Castle found himself back at his loft lounging on the sofa, one hand holding an ice pack against his quickly swelling noggin, the other clutching a scotch whisky. Both used in trying to dull the now throbbing pain.<p>

The raid that took place earlier in the day at the bar had started out smoothly enough, the Guns & Gangs detectives had cornered the gang into the backroom they were in and with nowhere to go every last one of them readily put their arms up in the air and gave up. Or at least it was thought that was every last one of the gang. Turns out there was one last person who was in a small office off to the side of the backroom when the cops busted in who apparently thought it was a good idea to come out guns blazing into a room full of armed officers. In the ensuing melee, Castle somehow ended up with an elbow to his temple right above his right eye. Fortunately that was the worst of anyone's injuries as the detectives quickly got everything back under control and made all the arrests.

Paramedics had checked Castle out on scene to make sure there were no serious injuries and sent him on his way with some over-the-counter painkillers. He had decided to head home rather than trekking back to the precinct. Firstly because all the fun action is over and done with, all that is left are the tedious paperwork. Given they got the gang red-handed with duffle-bags of stolen guns, there wouldn't even be a need for interrogations. Secondly he didn't want to chance another run in with Ryan and Esposito. While Castle was confident the homicide detectives wouldn't actually do any serious, permanent harm to him; he is not entirely convinced they won't do _something_. And as far as he was concerned one knock to the head is enough for one day. He may have a hard head but it still hurts.

So in the quietness of his loft, bathe in the early evening setting sun Castle was reflecting on some of the day's conversations. And he kept going back to what Esposito, Ryan _**and**_ Slaughter said, _We've seen the way you two look at each other. Everybody can see it._

No, there's no denying that he has a love-struck look to him when he's with Beckett. He had thought he saw it in her too. The lingering look that she sometimes gave him; the smiles and laughs that she seems to reserve only for him. And the touch, the way she had casually grabbed his hand that night sitting on his sofa humouring his mother and her play, it had made his heart skip a beat. But then when their eyes met, she had withdrawn quickly almost like she was embarrassed by what she had done.

When he found out she remembered what happened the day she was shot, including presumably his declaration of his love for her, he was hurt. Then he was angry. Angry at her for lying, for not telling him the truth in all the months that followed. But then an incredible sadness came over him because he realized he was just projecting his feelings onto her. The looks, the smiles, the laughs they didn't mean anything special. And it certainly explained why she pulled away that night in his loft. She knew how he felt and she didn't want to mislead him because she didn't feel the same way. Everything he thought he saw from her, it was nothing more than his over-active writer's imagination.

But then today, it seemed like everybody he talked to claim they can see the way he and Beckett looked at each other. Not the way he looked at Beckett, but the way they looked at each other. So did that mean it wasn't just his imagination after all? If others are seeing it, then there must be some truth to it right?

What if he was wrong? What if he misinterpreted her silence? From what he saw she went through during the sniper case a few months ago, she clearly was still traumatized, still had issues to work through. What if she had other reasons for not telling him the truth?

Didn't he owe it to her, owe it to them both, to give her a chance to explain? By not confronting her with the truth wasn't he also sinning by silence?

His mind made up, Castle got up off the sofa. Taking a minute to steady himself from the throbbing of his temple before grabbing his keys and headed out the door.

~*To be Continued*~

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><p><strong>AN**: Okay, I thought this was only going to be two parts but well it's turned into three. It's been a few days since I posted the first part, I figure I should post this now then finish off the story instead of waiting any longer.

(Completely random and unrelated note, my head is throbbing right now like Castle's is but no I didn't get an elbow to the head.)

Kindly leave a review. It would be much appreciated (and help with my throbbing head.) :-)


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** I don't know why but I had a heck of a time writing this last chapter. Maybe I need a new muse like Castle does. I'm not 100% happy with this, I much prefer the way it played out in my previous story but hopefully it's decent enough.

At any rate, hope you enjoy it.

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><p>3.<p>

Rick Castle gave Beckett's door a second knock when there was no answer to his first. He was holding a bag full of Beckett's favourite Chinese food from the restaurant just down the street from her apartment. Now standing outside her door he wondered if he should've called ahead or at the very least texted. What if she's still at the precinct working on her case? She has been known to pull all-nighters. What if she's on a date? He quickly pushed that thought out of his mind. Or what if she's taking one of her baths? An image of Beckett all wet and slippery covered in bubbles came unbidden to Castle. He quickly dismissed that mental picture as well; it didn't help his state of mind any more than the previous thought.

Still getting no response from inside the apartment, Castle pulled out his phone to dial Beckett's number. He put his phone against his ear as it began to ring and was surprised to hear an echoing ring coming from the nearby elevator. As he heard the detective's usual crisp answer of "Beckett" over the phone, the elevator door dinged open to reveal his muse, iPod ear-buds in one hand, phone held to her ear with the other. Dressed in sweats she had clearly just got back from a run, when she looked up she was surprised to see the writer standing by her apartment door. Disconnecting her phone she began to walk towards him confused. "Castle? What are you doing here?"

From a distance Beckett could not see clearly but there was definitely something off about him. As she got closer she realized what it was. "Castle, what the hell happened?"

Caught off guard by her appearance, Castle dumbly held out the bag of take-out and said, "Chinese?"

"So what? Mr. Chow gave you a smack-down when you asked for extra fortune cookies?" As she got within touching distance Beckett reached out a hand intending to examine his injured temple to make sure he was alright.

Out of reflex Castle flinched back. Beckett quickly dropped her hand back to her side and Castle again saw the look in her eyes. The same look he saw earlier that day at the precinct. And with a start Castle realized what it was. It was a look of hurt, a look of regret and sorrow. But regret and sorrow about what?

"Sorry, it hurts like hell if you touch it." Castle said by way of explanation.

Beckett simply nodded without further acknowledgement. "So what did happen Castle?"

"Oh nothing. Just a minor scrap during Slaughter's takedown today."

"Nothing? Castle you looked like you've got a conjoined twin growing out of the side of your head! Dammit Castle, you're a writer not a cop. Slaughter should've realized that and kept you out of harm's way."

"It's nothing Beckett! I can take care of myself. I just got in the way of an elbow is all. Wrong place, wrong time, just bad luck."

"You never should've been in the way of anything. I'm going to kick Slaughter's ass tomorrow."

Castle should be annoyed. He should be angry at her for treating him like a kid. He should be telling her that he's a grown man perfectly capable of looking after himself. And yet he couldn't help but have a goofy grin on his face, feeling a bit giddy at her concern and protectiveness and imagining Beckett chewing out and taking down the behemoth that is Detective Ethan Slaughter.

Having made their way into her apartment during their conversation, Beckett headed straight to her kitchen to take an ice-pack out of the freezer. As she handed it to Castle, she noticed the slightly loopy look on his face. "Are you sure you don't have a concussion or something?"

"Yes I'm fine. The paramedics already checked me out. Can we drop it please?"

Digging into a carton of pork chow mein, Beckett relented. "Fine, then what are you doing here Castle?"

"Umm…" On his way over, Castle had gone over and over in his head about what he wanted to say to Beckett, about how he was going to confront her with the truth, about telling her how hurt and angry he was at her deception and yet in the reality of actually facing her the writer was now inexplicably at a loss for words. Finally deciding on getting straight to the point he simply said "I know you remembered what happened."

At Beckett's confused look, Castle continued evenly, "At Montgomery's funeral. I know you remembered what I said. I overheard you talking when you were interrogating Bobby Lopez on the bombing case."

Beckett choked on her food upon hearing Castle's words. Before she had a chance to recover from her shock, Castle kept on going, his emotions starting to get the better of him, "Dammit Kate! I'm so angry with you! I thought I could trust you. I thought you trusted me!"

"Castle, I do trust you… I just…"

"You just _**WHAT**_ Kate? ! You just didn't feel it was important what I said? You just thought you can forget about it? That I would? I want to know _why_? Why did you lied and said you didn't remember anything?"

"Because… because I was afraid."

Somehow hearing Beckett say she was afraid made Castle's anger dissipate slightly. Stoic, tough, head-strong, take-no-prisoner Detective Katherine Beckett of the NYPD does not admit to being afraid of anything easily.

"Afraid of what Kate?" Castle continued to prod with a calmer tone.

"Afraid of what it would mean to our relationship, to our friendship." Beckett said quietly looking down at her hands unable to meet his eyes.

"Because admitting to me you heard what I said would mean having to let me know you don't feel the same way and you were afraid it'll ruin our friendship?" Castle inquired dully, having once again jumped to his initial conclusion of why she lied.

At his words, Beckett looked up. "What? No, no! That's not why. I do have feelings for you Rick. I was afraid that I wasn't ready to open myself 100% to you and you deserve someone who doesn't have all the baggage and issues that I still need to work through."

"I've been trying so hard to let go. I'm finally ready to do it and now it's too late. I'm so sorry Rick, I should've been truthful with you sooner. I've waited too long, you've moved on." Kate looked down at her hands again, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

"Moved on?" It was Castle's turn to be confused but then realization dawned on him. The look of sorrow and regret he saw in her eyes, it was because Beckett thought he had gotten over her. Castle could've laughed at the irony of it all. Instead though he wanted to kick himself, because as much as it was her deception that started them down this path, he also had to take some of the responsibility. Yes, he was angry with her for lying to him. If she had been truthful from the start, he would've understood and he would've gladly waited for her. But if he had confronted her when he first found out the truth instead of jumping to conclusions and running off with a bevy of blondes like he had hit a mid-life crisis it would've saved them both the hell of the past few weeks. Sinning by silence indeed, Castle thought to himself ruefully.

Castle was lost in his own thoughts not realizing he had been silent for too long. Taking his lack of communication as confirmation of her worst fear, Beckett said sadly "I'm sorry for hurting you Rick. You deserve someone better. You deserve to find the perfect woman who will make you happy."

At that Rick moved from where he was sitting to stand in front of Beckett. Tentatively he reached out one hand to cup her face and gently said "I don't want a 'perfect' woman. I want you. I want you with all your flaws, your baggage, your stubbornness, your eye-rolls, your sarcastic comments, your scars, tattoos, navel rings and whatever else wild-child phase shenanigan you haven't told me yet. Because you are the one who will make me happy. I haven't moved on Kate. You are my One. Let me be yours."

Kate gave him a smile and a small nod through the tears that are now running down her cheeks. "It's not going to be easy."

"With you detective, I'm expecting nothing less." Castle leaned in to give her a kiss. Gently his tongue traced the outline of her lips asking for entrance; Kate readily parted her lips in invitation. Their tongues duelled each other hungrily, getting reacquainted since their first kiss in the dark alley that now seemed like a life time ago.

Pulling back from the kiss slightly, Kate looked into Rick's eyes and what she saw there took her breath away. "I love you too Rick. Thank you for waiting."

"Always."

~* END *~ (Oops, update! Bonus Epilogue next!)

**A/N:** Kindly review, it will make my day after what will surely be another crummy day at the office. :-)


	4. Epilogue

**A/N**: I thought I was done with this story. But somehow it felt like something was missing, something to loop and tie back to the first chapter with Ryan and Esposito. Hence this short epilogue. Hope you get a small chuckle from the ending.

Thank you all for reading; especially those who took the time to leave a comment. They definitely made my day after the mind numbing madness that is a Corporate office.

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><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

Beckett pulled her standard-issue crown vic into an open parking spot in front of the 12th. She put the car into park then looked over to her passenger giving him a dazzling smile. After leaning over for a quick kiss, Beckett got out of the car as she said, "Come on Castle. And wipe that goofy look off your face; people are going to think the knock to the head made you slow."

They had decided earlier they will be keeping their new found relationship status to themselves, at least for the moment anyway. Not that they want to keep secrets from their friends but nonetheless they want to keep things quiet and professional in order not to give Gates anymore reason and ammunition to kick Castle out of the precinct.

As they rode the elevator up to the homicide floor standing side-by-side, Castle found himself itching to wrap his arms around Kate. There's nothing more he wanted to do right now than to back her up against the corner and kiss her until he draws out the sultry sounds that he has already become addicted to. But alas, being in a police station elevator, they are under the all-seeing eye of a security camera. This is going to be the longest day of my life, Castle thought to himself.

Walking into the bullpen, Beckett casually greeted the 2 other detectives on her team. "Morning guys."

"Ryan, Esposito, how are you doing?" Castle added a little too chipper.

"Hey." They replied in kind looking up quickly from the paperwork they were working on before doing a double take. Something was different. Ryan and Esposito looked at each other to make sure the other noticed it too. The demeanor of both the writer and his muse has changed. There was a lightness and casualness around them that wasn't there before.

Before they got a chance to comment, Gates poked her head out of her office. "Beckett, Esposito, Ryan, my office." The three detectives dutifully made their way over with Castle following behind.

"Nice of you to join us today Mr. Castle." Gates commented dryly while noticing the writer standing closer to Beckett than normal. "Uniforms caught a break on your case while canvassing the neighbourhood. Seems a little old lady sitting on her front porch yesterday saw someone matching your suspect's description running down her street and she swears she saw him dropping a bloodied knife down a sewer drain." Handing Beckett a piece of paper, Gates continued, " Here's the address. It's two blocks from where the body was found."

"Alright, Castle and I will go talk to her again and have CSU meet us there to check out the sewer. Ryan, Esposito can you go put a tail on our suspect? I want to know exactly where he is when we've got enough to pick him up."

"You got it."

"Let's go Castle." Beckett turned to head out of Gates' office, her shoulder brushing against his on her way out.

Ryan and Esposito made their way out of Gates' office as well, now standing by Esposito's desk they watched as the elevator closed on Beckett and Castle, once again noticing the look the two gave each other.

"Looks like mom and dad made up." Ryan commented while taking a sip of his coffee. "That's one nasty shiner Castle's got. You think Beckett decked him for running off with Slaughter and his crew?"

"Nah." His partner smirked, "I bet you it was a bedroom accident. And who do they think they are fooling anyway? Pretending nothing's going on. Everybody can see it." Ryan nodded in agreement.

A brief moment later, they heard Gate's curt voice behind them. "Well it's about damn time those two figured it out!"

Ryan in the middle of taking a big gulp of his coffee choked at the unexpected comment from their normally stern boss and bathe Esposito's paperwork with a rain of coffee mist.

~* END (AGAIN) *~

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><p>Who knew Gates was a closeted shipper? :-p<p>

Okay, I think I'm well and truly written-out this time. Once again, please kindly review.


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